Right now as much as I hate admitting it, the injuries, sickness and work has just flat out burned me out.  Work is crazy busy and there is quite a bit going in with respect to everything we are doing.  Things need to get out the door perfect, presentations, extra activities, all the while managing people, always being 20 steps ahead, etc.  It is just the nature of what we do at work.  But the reality remains, it is really hard to get any energy to throw far.

I went to a meet at Toledo last week and my stand throw was a mere 140’ which was quite embarrassing along with my result of 172’.  Along with this there was no adrenaline going through the body at all on a meet day.  That my friends, is a problem.  Usually I typically stand 160’-170’ on a meet day warm up, so standing 140′ is a red flag that there is an energy issue and maybe the ankle is just not quite up to speed.

Practice has been ok.  I started a couple weeks ago back to full throwing, but there is still some pain going on in the ankle and its pretty tough to get up through it at the finish.  And to be totally honest, I know senior citizens that can move faster than I am right now…really.

Looking at it from a big picture, this is the third severe sprain on this ankle and if you know anything about ankles, the more you sprain them, the looser they get and the longer they take to heal.  I’m hoping in another couple weeks it will be full strength and  hoping energy is going to come back.  The reality is, the qualifier for the trials that I didn’t anticipate being a question, now is.  I have until 6/16/2012 to get the number I need ~60m  just to get to the trials, THEN we can try to make it from there.

What bothers me is in January in Utah I only had 7 throws into an open field but they were already in the 57-58m range, that was just warming up. Vesteinn said he could finally see the capacity and energy in my body.  What most of you dont realize is i wasnt working the second half of December due to my father’s death, which gave me some time to actually recover somewhat.   It so unbelievably frustrating when you get these glimmers of what you can do fully knowing there is so much more in the body, only to have circumstances take it away.

Not trying to sound defeated or negative, just explaining what the situation really is.  Usually I thrive on the pressure and usually perform better when it is there, but the fact remains I really have zero energy and I am praying the energy will be in the body when the time comes, because without the energy, there is no focus and there is no speed, without that you have no distance to speak of.

Would it be easier just to say I got injured and call it a season/career?

“I want a 150,000!, but we can settle outta court right now for 20 bucks!”

Yes, but then the question I originally set after to answer would still be hanging in the balance and that to me is just as haunting as if I never tried at all.  On top of that I will know I didn’t finish the game.  Even if i never get back to 60m shape in the next couple weeks, i don’t want any What if’s?”, lurking in my closet.  The truth is I know buried deep inside there still is a passion to throw, it’s just too tired to wake up and come out to play.  So I’ll just have to wait for it to wake up, until then I’ll be preparing for its return so when it comes back we can pick up the disc and get after it.  This is one of the most frustrating times in my life, but sometimes you just have to lower your shoulder and charge through it.  The key is to keep your head up so you don’t lose focus of what is ahead of you, otherwise you start charging in the wrong direction.  We go on…